Forgetting

Most of the time, forgetting things is problematic.
Forgetting keys? You're stuck where you are.
Forgetting assignments? You're not passing that class.
Forgetting meds? You're gonna get written up.
Forgetting anniversaries? You're gonna be buying flowers for a while.
This week, though, I found out that somethings are nice to forget.

First of all, during the summer, one of my patients at work pulled away from me and fell. The doctor gave her a clean bill of health. No fractures or anything. Though, she was older so she had bruising and pain. I tried to slow her fall and guide her down. I sat her on the trash can because then I could guide her to the ground. As a pessimist, I think about all the bad things that could have happened that maybe I just don't remember.
Though this was over a month ago, I still get nervous just thinking about her. Did she hit her head on the railing on the wall, but I can't remember? Did I leave something out of the report? Is she going to sue? Could I lose my job or my savings? Does her doctor-son want to pinpoint new symptoms that we didn't see? The list goes on.
Everyone at the hospital tells me to stop being so hard on myself. This lady was no picnic. She threatened many of the RNs and aides that she would make up a story about them and have them fired. She was impulsive and weak--a bad mix.
The House Supervisor (Charge RN over the whole hospital) told me not to lose any sleep over the fall--this lady was not known for making things easy.
The charge RN assured me that the patient would be monitored and that I prevented more damage.
My boss told me not to worry about it because falls happen and we learn from them.
My husband wants me to remember all the good things I've done rather than the one mistake I've made in the past year at my job.
So, I've been trying to forget. I learned a lot from the situation, but I need to get passed it. I want to get passed it. I don't want to be afraid all the time about something I can't change. The good news is, I went a whole couple days without thinking about the patient. It felt good.
(Please join me in praying that no residual problems are left over for the patient. And pray that I can get passed this as a learning situation).

The second thing that was forgotten was not forgotten by me, but by my teacher. During devotional time in class, she asked for prayer requests. One had to do with a man from church with Stage 3-4 pancreatic CA. As the teacher began to express her sympathy for the man's family "because pancreatic cancer has the worst prognosis rates and that only miracles can keep people alive, etc" I instinctively looked up to see the pitiful face she usually gives me when talking about cancer. To my surprise, for the first time in this program, my teacher did not mention my husband. She forgot my husband had cancer. I love it when people forget that Dan has cancer.
Someday, I'd like to forget that Dan had cancer. Someday.

Another thing I'm glad gets forgotten are my sins. I don't forget them, but God does. When I repent and ask for forgiveness, He removes them from me. Since He is omniscient, it's hard for me to imagine that God can completely forget my sins. Yet, I know that because of Christ, God sees the cross instead of my sins when He thinks about me. Hallelujah.

Here's to forgetting things. Sometimes, it's good for your health.

Stand Up

I remember the first time I saw Patrick Swayze dance. I was perhaps a bit too young to be watching Dirty Dancing, but I didn't understand the plot yet...just the music and the dancing. Swayze was the debonair camp dance instructor who danced his way into to the heart of a rich girl and proved that money isn't everything. How often have I watched that movie over the years? I cannot count. My mom, my girl friends, my grandma...we all fell in love with the incredibly suave and graceful Patrick Swayze. Now, I can say I remember the day he danced out of this world.
As most know by now, Swayze was diagnosed with a particularly vicious form of pancreatic cancer in early 2008. Due to the spotlight of his fame, the nation watched as his weight waxed and waned, as he tried new treatments, as he fought for hope. His battle was actually far longer than most have the chance to fight against pancreatic cancer. Yet, my heart is heavy to see a figure of hope and perseverance lost. My prayers go to his wife and family.

This post is not actually about Patrick Swayze alone. This is about the unacceptable reality that cancer plays in this world. Swayze was joined by 1499 other Americans who lost their lives to this common enemy. As thousands of fans mourn the loss of their favorite dancer, millions are mourning the loss of their husbands, their wives, their mothers, their fathers, their sisters, their brothers and their friends. My heart is even heavier for them.

I do not have cancer, but cancer is a part of my life.

Half of my grandmother's siblings have succumbed to cancer in the past 10 years. My grandma is a survivor, and one of her brothers is, too. Cancer unfortunately runs in the family.


Over two years ago, Dan was diagnosed with an equally unfriendly form of pancreatic cancer--stage 4, inoperable. The summer of his diagnosis is the closest to hell I can imagine for now (see my mother-in-law's blog from 2 years ago). Though his treatment plan started out rocky to say the least, God blessed us immeasurably with his doctor at Stanford Medical Center (he even received chemo a few rooms away from Swayze!). Now, Dan has beaten many of the odds the doctors placed against him. He still has spots here and there; spots which could be cancer or could be scar tissue. Every CT scan report is a hold-your-breath-pray-for-a-miracle moment. Dan is confident, though I still fear for the day those spots decide to grow. For now, though, we live a happy and normal life with hardly any reminder of the cancer except for his cane.

In the next year, I hope to become an oncology nurse. Nothing has been clearer than the fact that I am called to work with those who have heard those dreaded words. Whether working with those sweet bald children with crying parents or grandparents who have no reason to believe they can pull through. God has been gracious in replenishing our hope for the future. I need to use that hope to help others find hope, also. I hate cancer. I love people with cancer.

Though I have work tonight and homework to do, I have found myself watching the Stand Up to Cancer broadcast from last September. Never before had that many people joined together to attack cancer. Never before had so many celebrities risen up to support cancer research. If you have never watched the broadcast, I urge you to do so. It is full of music, celebrities, and facts. The facts will scare you. I hope they do, at least. Facts save lives.

I am crying now. Crying out of sympathy for those who are losing the battle. Crying out of fear for my husband. Crying out of frustration for the lack of a cure. Crying out of hope.

You don't have to cry with me, but please stand with me.
Learn what you can. Take preventative measures. Walk a Relay for Life lap in honor of someone you know. Remember those who have lost the fight. Pray for those who are still fighting.

Stand up to cancer.

Level 3 and Quarter 1

So, the summer is over. No more sleeping in until whenever we want. No more working without worrying about homework. No more trips up north. No more starting movies at 11p because there's nothing else to do. Essentially, goodbye Boredom. Hello, nursing school.

The only thing not gone from summer is this heat-107 degrees on Saturday. Gross.

Nursing got off and running last week. We've already got a paper and a test under our belts in less than a week! Preceptorships will begin soon, so I'm praying for a nice and patient preceptor. My request for two oncology preceptorships didn't work out, but I'm on a telemetry floor (cardiac). It won't be boring!

Dan is still waiting for a placement for student teaching and observation. We're praying that it's at a local high school close to La Mirada, since he'll be there every day next semester. His first quarter begins on September 14th...and he'll be off and running, too!

Between 3rd year nursing school and accelerated student teaching, we may not see each other much in the near future. That will just make our time together all the sweeter. It sure will be hard to get used to, though!

On a different note, Dan's grandma Mignon passed away last Wednesday at the age of 87. Her doctor said she only had about a year left to live...23 years ago. Amazingly, she died August 26th, 26 years to the day after her husband died. She will be greatly missed :(

Well, this cannot be a long blog because...I have homework. Ugh.

8-9-09

This is a little late, but we've been busy...

Dan and I have been married for a whole year! Looking back to before we were married, I had a hard time believing God would allow us to get married at all, let alone celebrate anniversaries. This year has been full of trials and obstacles, but with the love we have for each other and God's grace, we have made it through.

To celebrate, we spent in a night in a Hawaiian hotel in San Diego and went to the San Diego Zoo. It was a wonderful time of relaxation and laughter and love.


Thank you to everyone who has encouraged us, prayed for us, supported us and loved us through this year.

I pray there will be many more years to celebrate the unity of Dan and I in Christ.

Human Life

Abortion is legal for any reason you like, if you go to the right places.

Politicians are beginning to wonder how much health care and elderly or terminally ill person deserves.

Birds choking on plastic bottles is more of a problem than people dying of dehydration without the water in those plastic bottles.

Somewhere in our nation's history, the value of a human life has fallen by the wayside.
Only God gets to decide how and when we should die.

Perhaps, if more people paid attention to what God thinks and has shown us through His word, a human life would be more than a number, more than a price tag, and more than an inconvenience.

Prep Time

I am supposed to be a nurse. God has made this calling explicitly and implicitly clear since I was around 7 or 8 years old. The fortunate and unfortunate experiences I've been thrown into have further molded my heart and mind and hands to be those of a nurse. God has not called me to be a nurse for the money or the skills or the happiness found in helping people feel better or even to be someone who saves lives. God has called me to be a nurse to be His hands and His light for His glory.

Dan is supposed to be a teacher. God has made this calling pretty clear in the last couple years. Yet, God has made it very clear that Dan has a testimony to speak and share with those he meets. If you asked him, Dan would probably affirm that God has given him this calling to bring Him glory.

Dan and I are supposed to live in Utah. It is only a matter of time. Thanks to a very flirtatious Mormon in high school, my heart was broken for the LDS. Thanks to Dan's patience, incredible skill in apologetics, my persistence and a trip to Utah, Dan's heart was broken for the LDS.

All this to say, we have been discussing the fact that not all Christians will impact the world for Christ as preachers or street evangelists or foreign missionaries. The harvest is ripe and those serving in the streets with God's call and the Holy Spirit's empowerment are leading people to Christ. I pray that God continues to use these warriors to reach some of the lost.

Yet, I am afraid that there is a common misconception that a Christian is not living up to God's salvation and call on their lives if they do not sell everything they own and preach on the streets or in unreached nations.
(A great reference book on this is Finding Common Ground by Tim Downs.)

"There are different kinds of gifts, but the same Spirit. There are different kinds of service, but the same Lord. There are different kinds of working, but the same God works all of them in all men."
1 Corinthians 12:4-6

All around us are people who do not know Christ. Just because people have heard of Christ does not mean that they are saved or that we have fulfilled our duty. Some people will come to know Christ through long-term relationships with Christians. These people might be those who would shut the door on a fierce Gospel message, but they might be open to being loved and befriended by people who follow fiercely after Christ.

God has not called me to go over-seas permanently to preach the Gospel. If He calls me, I will go.
God has not called me to sell all I own and preach on inner-city streets. If He calls me, I will go (though, it would be admittedly tough).

God has called me to be an active member of a theologically sound church.
God has called me to be a loving and supportive wife in juxtaposition with the adultery and despair seen in the culture today.
God has called me to be an oncology nurse and bring hope to those who have none left.
God has called me to begin dialogues and relationships with those in the LDS church through kindness and an open-mind.

At the moment, I am involved in the first two.
As for the second two, I am in the midst of preparation.

I was talking to Dan tonight about whether or not I should feel guilty about not being more active in evangelism. We agreed that we need to be more open, but also that we are doing what God wants us to do. We are where God has called us to be.

As Dan reminded me, even Paul had prep time before he went forth to evangelize the nations.

For now, I feel like God is molding me and preparing me for what is to come.
(To be a nurse, I do need my RN license after all. And I need a job to be able to move to Utah.)
He gives me opportunities even now to speak His word, but I cannot wait for what He has in store for me.

People who flap their lips.

I do not know much about Obama's health care reform. I do not fully understand what he wants to do. Some people are scared about socialism. Some people think he has come to save the country from crashing into inescapable health care chaos. Like I said, I don't know enough to choose a side. So, I won't.

I wish people who don't know exactly what they're talking about, wouldn't talk.
There you have it: one of my pet peeves.

In the past few weeks I have discovered a very sensitive nerve that gets hit every time I read or hear something that is just off-base from someone who is overly confident in their "knowledge". Unfortunately, Dan and I both share this pet peeve. Somehow, I generally resist voicing my opinions to these people. Dan is becoming a little more vocal in his corrections.

Case 1: Obama will fix the health care system so that everyone can get good care. Without his reform, people will get no care.
Objections: Really? Everyone will get good care? Really? Show me the facts. And people are obviously getting care now without his reform. So, bad argument.

Really? Is that right? Really?

Case 2: The All-Star game is pointless and more enjoyable for the players than the fans. The Oscars, however, are priceless.
Objections: Who enjoys the Oscar more: the winner or their biggest fan? Duh. Why do All-Star tickets sell out within weeks? Because the players snatch them up? No, fans buy them. Duh.

Case 3: Theologians have mind knowledge, but no heart knowledge. They will learn forever but never truly know God. Oh, and the whole Bible should be interpreted prescriptively. And we don't need to interact with the LDS. They've already heard about Jesus. Too late.
Objections: Yes, theologians just devote their lives to reading books about a God they don't love. Makes sense...not. Some may put more focus on learning than knowing God, but not all. If the whole Bible is prescriptive, sir, please stop eating shrimp and cheeseburgers. Thanks. Finally, I would rather not assume that a group of people who believe in a false Jesus should be forgotten. That is a rather un-Christian thing to do, don't you think? God somehow did not give up on the stupid stubborn Israelites. Why should we give up on people?

Why am I ranting? Because here, in the confines of my blog, no one will see me as mean little girl with too many opinions on the offensive. Everyone is allowed their pet peeves. Mine is people soap-boxing without having firm grounds to rant.

Shooting first and asking questions later basically kills your credibility.
Do some research, then attack.