This is the room.

I'm in my favorite room in our house: the nursery. It's bright and warm in the mornings thanks to the sun rising through the hall window. It's quickly dark and cool in the evenings, perfect for sleeping babes. 

This was the first (and only?) room we decorated when we moved in to the house two years ago. This is the room in which my first baby became a toddler far more quickly than I had imagined. 

This is the room in which I transformed from an anxious first-time mama counting baby breaths to a (slightly) less anxious mama of two. 

This is the room in which I have cried and laughed and fretted and swooned over baby antics. 

This is the room of first fevers and first teeth and first nightmares. This is the room of first Christmas mornings and first birthday grins.

This is the room in which I have prayed for safety and sleep and salvation for my sweet ones.

This is honestly the room I never believed that I would have.

Sometimes, I need to be reminded of the miraculous realities of my life. 

My family came to know Christ because my parents wanted to keep my brother and I out of trouble by going to church.

My brother should be dead by now since he never did receive the heart-lung transplant the doctors said he needed.

I should have never met my husband or several of my closest friends because I was headed to Stanford--not a tiny Christian university called Biola.

My husband should also not be alive because Stage 4 acinar cell carcinoma with mets is not something someone survives for very long.

I should not be able to run or carry children because mental illness depleted my body of nutrients for many years.

The baby in my arms and the toddler listening to my husband's bedtime story should not exist because chemotherapy plus radioactivity plus my PCOS do not make fertility probable. 

Put quite simply, this room--and all the moments that led to its existence--is miraculous.

This is the room for which I yearned and the room for which I can never give enough thanks.

Praise be to the LORD, the Giver of good gifts and abundant miracles.

Thank you, God, for this room.

Connie

As I write, there is a tiny baby nursing herself into a milk coma on my chest. It's hard to believe that just about a week ago, I wrote the last post with no idea that our baby would be making her way into the world so soon!

Constance Grace Howen was born on April 24th at 9:03pm after refusing to wait for us to get to the hospital. As some of you know, she was born on our bathroom floor in a very unexpected home delivery.  Fortunately, Dan's mom, Jamie, had already arrived to watch Abe, so we had some help until the paramedics arrived.

Note: I have been asked for the full birth story by lots of people. Rather than write it here where some people don't want to know the "gory" details, I'd like to just email the story to those who would like to know. Email me at ahowen37@gmail.com.

We spent the weekend at Lodi Memorial, where we were treated like VIPs and stayed in the same room in which Dan and all of his siblings were born. 

We came home Sunday afternoon to a very excited older brother, who is still learning about being gentle! The transition has been fairly smooth. Abe is extremely hyper and fighting all kinds of sleep. My mom stayed with us for first few days, so Abe was in seventh heaven.

Both sets of grandparents and my brother and his fiancée met the baby at the hospital that night and have been wonderful about helping us with Abe.

Connie is doing great, though she is a teeny little girl compared to her brother. At 6 pounds 10 ounces and 18.5 inches, she's nearly 2 pounds smaller than Abe was (Considering how she entered the world, I'm extremely grateful she's smaller!). Seeing as she eats ALL the time, hopefully she'll get some chunk soon. We're watching her weight gain and bilirubin for some mild jaundice, but otherwise she's doing fantastically. For the first few weeks, we also need to keep an eye out for infection, as she's at higher risk. 

Mama is also doing well. A bit tired and sore, but feeling much better than I did after having Abe. I didn't lose much blood, fortunately, so my fatigue isn't terrible. My main focus is eating and drinking enough to nurse the munchkin. Hopefully, my energy will be good enough to keep up with Abe next week when Dan goes back to work.

Dan is a happy and exhausted dad. He's helping a lot with Abe and getting to know Connie. Unfortunately, he doesn't qualify for paternity leave since he is so new at his job. The district is at least letting him take an unpaid short LOA until Monday. Then, we have a month until summer break. We will all be ready for a little rest by then!

Thank you for all the prayers and support and encouragement. Please continue to pray for everyone's health and the safety of our little girl as she grows. Also, prayer for energy and endurance as Dan goes back to work and I watch the littles.

Join us in praising the LORD for His protection and constant grace in the birth of our little Connie!

2 Week Notice #2

(I wrote a post like this one while I was still pregnant with Abe, so I figured this might be a good way to answer frequently-asked-questions this time around, too. Since Abe just put himself down for an uncharacteristically early and easy nap, this may be short so I can nap, too!)

1. Still pregnant, huh? 
Why this gets asked I do not know. Look at my belly--question answered. Besides, I just hit 38 weeks yesterday, so technically, this baby could keep baking for another few weeks. Oy.

2. How are you feeling?
Not terrible, really. Tired, nervous, excited, finished with being this pregnant.
I'm thankfully not miserable like I was with Abe, as all of my ribs seem to be in their appropriate locations. I've been seeing a chiropractor throughout the pregnancy to keep my scoliosis in check and that has really helped with the normal aches and pains.
I have been sick frequently with this baby (with respiratory infections, colds, asthma-exacerbations, etc.). Baby girl has just tanked my immune system, but for now, the household is healthy!

3. Are you ready?
As ready as we can be, I think. Abe got moved into his big-boy room last weekend, so the nursery is now ready for the wee one. Newborn clothes are washed and put away. Baby blanket is finished. Nurse gifts are ready. Abe's present from the baby is almost ready. Contingency plans are set with grandparents. Go-bags have been packed for a few weeks. Dan has emergency substitute plans ready at his school. Last few OB appointments are scheduled.

4. How's the anxiety/OCD?
I'm doing just okay on this. My OB and counselor wanted me to stay on my meds throughout the pregnancy this time to try to alleviate some of my more severe anxiety. Panic attacks have been held at bay, though my food-fears are still pretty active. With so many listeria outbreaks recently, I am super nervous about most foods. I'm craving apples and salad, but too scared to eat them. It's gotten to the point in which in makes more sense to just eat what I know I can handle instead of eating something that will make me panic for the next few days. It's really a bummer and drives Dan crazy, but it's not forever.
I will have to stay on the meds a full-year after giving birth because of my increased risk of post-partum depression/psychosis. Hopefully, getting back to normal routines and exercise will help with the OCD symptoms, though.
(As a warning, new-mom OCD usually presents with extreme fears about cleanliness and keeping baby healthy. If you are sick or have a cold sore (these are very dangerous to newborns) or don't like to wash your hands, please hold off on the visits for a while. We appreciate the support and desire to meet the baby, but throwing me into a panic attack is not worth it.)

5. Any signs that today could be the day?
Nope. Braxton-hicks contractions happen here and there, but not regular. I go between having lots of energy to wanting to nap all day. Baby is head-down and low but apparently not interested in leaving her warm little apartment.

6. Is Abe ready?
Ha! We'll see. He knows where the baby is when asked and has gotten a little better about playing gently with me. He thinks his new room is pretty great, though he tries to climb in the crib when I'm not looking.

He's growing or teething or something, so he's a tad grumpier than normal. Of course, he's also almost two, so he is more dramatic than a teenage girl.
He will love having his grandparents around a little more after the baby is born, but I'm sure there will be quite an adjustment period.

7. Do you need anything?
We have been exceedingly blessed with tons of hand-me-downs and new baby necessities. We could definitely use prayer for endurance and patience and energy.
Dan says I have "pregnant-lady senioritis", which is making me pretty cranky. Prayers that Dan can put up with my moods for a few more weeks and that I can keep up with Abe's boundless energy are appreciated. Also, prayer that this little family can stay healthy for the baby's arrival.
Dan also says we won't turn down food after the baby is born. He's a fan of home-cooked meals that he doesn't have to cook!
If you like toddlers, we have a rambunctious one who loves going to play outside or at the park...hint hint.

8. Can we come visit?
We'd really like to have some family time with the new baby before having a lot of visitors. Aside from immediate family, it would be nice to not have visitors until we're out of the hospital and settled at home for a few days.
This was already mentioned briefly, but please, PLEASE do not come to visit if you are sick. Dan already has a low immune system, but the new baby will be vulnerable, too. Until the baby can get her first vaccines (2 months), please keep in mind that not being vaccinated yourself puts her at risk, too. I'm not saying this to start any debates, but whooping cough and measles are preventable and  very dangerous for newborns.
It would be nice to stay healthy while getting used to our new normal.
If you do come to hang out, be prepared to wash your hands. You know, more than just after your cough/sneeze or use the bathroom. Also, keep the kisses at bay for a while. After 9 months of growing and protecting this baby, this OCD-mama is going to be protective. Really protective. You've been warned.

9. Does she have a name?
Yep. You'll find out after she's born. (Don't feel bad--the grandparents don't even know).

Thank you for the prayers and love and support throughout the last nine months. We are honestly blessed beyond measure with our friends and family.
Hopefully, we'll be able to introduce our daughter to the world soon!