Monday, September 28, 2015

This is the room.

I'm in my favorite room in our house: the nursery. It's bright and warm in the mornings thanks to the sun rising through the hall window. It's quickly dark and cool in the evenings, perfect for sleeping babes. 

This was the first (and only?) room we decorated when we moved in to the house two years ago. This is the room in which my first baby became a toddler far more quickly than I had imagined. 
This is the room in which I transformed from an anxious first-time mama counting baby breaths to a (slightly) less anxious mama of two. 
This is the room in which I have cried and laughed and fretted and swooned over baby antics. 
This is the room of first fevers and first teeth and first nightmares. This is the room of first Christmas mornings and first birthday grins.
This is the room in which I have prayed for safety and sleep and salvation for my sweet ones.
This is honestly the room I never believed that I would have.

Sometimes, I need to be reminded of the miraculous realities of my life. 

My family came to know Christ because my parents wanted to keep my brother and I out of trouble by going to church.

My brother should be dead by now since he never did receive the heart-lung transplant the doctors said he needed.

I should have never met my husband or several of my closest friends because I was headed to Stanford--not a tiny Christian university called Biola.

My husband should also not be alive because Stage 4 acinar cell carcinoma with mets is not something someone survives for very long.

I should not be able to run or carry children because mental illness depleted my body of nutrients for many years.

The baby in my arms and the toddler listening to my husband's bedtime story should not exist because chemotherapy plus radioactivity plus my PCOS do not make fertility probable. 

Put quite simply, this room--and all the moments that led to its existence--is miraculous.
This is the room for which I yearned and the room for which I can never give enough thanks.

Praise be to the LORD, the Giver of good gifts and abundant miracles.

Thank you, God, for this room.