Recipe for a messy afternoon

Yesterday, I was inducted into the world of messy parenting. I'm sure that something will happen down the road, possibly today or tomorrow, that will make our afternoon yesterday look like a piece of cake. BUT, for now, yesterday deserves documentation.

Step 1: Set the stage for a tired mama and cranky baby by not letting baby sleep through the night or allowing his mama to put him down for any stretch of time.

Step 2: Let the mama finally get dressed by putting baby in jumper. 

Step 3: Lull the mama into false sense of diapering security by not having a blow-out in weeks. Thus, when the sound of a diaper being filled occurs, she will nonchalantly pick baby up out of jumper without caution.

Step 4: Accidentally allow baby to squirm incessantly on changing table before the mama realizes that something has gone awry in the diaper department.

Step 5: Pull off pants before recognizing signs of a blow-out, thus spreading poop down baby's legs. 

Step 6: Panic momentarily, regain composure, begin to remove onesie. Onesie is full of poop, up to baby's shoulder blades. Attempt to devise strategy to remove onesie without causing too much damage. 

Step 7: Unsuccessfully prevent baby from flipping over during onesie removal. Panic upon noting that poop now covers baby's back and arms and hair.

Step 8: Try to calm angry baby who has figured out that he does not like having poop on his hands and tries to wipe on walls and changing table. 

Step 9: Strip baby, wipe down as best possible while he lays on his belly (because laying on his back is unacceptable).

Step 10: This is where the mess really takes off...foolishly place naked, undiapered baby in crib while hurriedly running a bath. Return to baby standing proudly in a pee covered crib and see pee-moistened carpet.

Step 11: Pray that husband is coming home soon and carry naked, pee and slightly poopy baby to bathtub. Wash off as much of baby as possible while baby tries to stand up in tub or eat the faucet.

Step 12: Carry clean baby to makeshift changing table to wrestle diaper onto baby's butt. Praise the LORD when husband opens front door during this process.

Step 13: Hand diapered but unclothed baby to husband and enlist his help in trying to clean up the disaster-zone in the baby's room.

Step 14: After cleaning pee off the crib and poop off the changing table/wall, rinsing poopy baby clothes and starting a load of laundry, get in shower to get poop off of the mama.

Step 15: Pick-up a clean but angry baby to nurse, thank husband profusely for assistance after his long day at work and take a short nap with the baby.

Thankfully, messes can be cleaned and laundry washed. Babies will only be babies for a little while. For now, I am going to be grateful for a baby who wants to cuddle all day because he's teething instead of irritated that I cannot clean the house. Also, I am going to applaud all single parents and parents of multiples...wow.

This is why God makes babies so cute.