(I actually had an amazing Valentine's Day! I worked, so we couldn't go out to celebrate or anything. BUT Dan had plans for the day. I came home to a house full of good-smelling candles everywhere, French toast cooking in the kitchen, chocolates on the table (from Dan's classes) and the most beautiful bouquet of red and white tulips waiting in the bedroom. We sat in our PJs, ate dinner by candlelight, exchanged love letters, and snuggled. I mean honestly. It boggles my mind that this guy loves me like he does.)
On to the real purpose of this entry: my own restless heart. I am not restless out of unrequited love or disappointment. My heart is restless out of fear and worry. This is the opposite of what God has called me to be. I have always been a self-proclaimed worrier, but I really need to work on this sinful part of my character. Yes, worrying is sinful. God knows all and loves me perfectly. Worrying says I do not trust God or think Him big enough to handle my life. Yikes.
God reminded me of this today during devotions. I read Streams in the Desert everyday, and today's writing hit home. Here's an excerpt--a poem by Edith Willis Linn:
Dear restless heart, be still; don’t fret and worry so;
God has a thousand ways His love and help to show;
Just trust, and trust, and trust, until His will you know.
Dear restless heart, be still, for peace is God’s own smile,
His love can every wrong and sorrow reconcile;
Just love, and love, and love, and calmly wait awhile.
Dear restless heart, be brave; don’t moan and sorrow so,
He hath a meaning kind in chilly winds that blow;
Just hope, and hope, and hope, until you braver grow.
Dear restless heart, repose upon His breast this hour,
His grace is strength and life, His love is bloom and flower;
Just rest, and rest, and rest, within His tender power.
Dear restless heart, be still! Don’t struggle to be free;
God’s life is in your life, from Him you may not flee;
Just pray, and pray, and pray, till you have faith to see.Awesome. What do I need to do? Trust, love, hope, rest and pray. That's it.
Instead of thinking that Dan's oncologist won't speak to me at work because Dan's CT was bad, perhaps the doctor is just busy! (duh)
Instead of imagining that Dan and I are in incredibly in love because we won't have a long marriage to enjoy it, maybe we are just blessed with an amazing love story!
Instead of dwelling on the "what ifs", maybe I should just praise Him for what I have now.
Instead of waiting for the other shoe to drop, perhaps I should just keep walking on the path God has us on.
Oh, Lord help me to trust you more and more.
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