Dayenu

It will make my Jewish-mama proud that this blog post has a Hebrew title. For the non-Hebrew people reading, the word "dayenu" is part of the Passover tradition that recalls all that Yahweh has done for His people. As the miracles are recounted, the tradition is to proclaim "dayenu!"--or "it would have been enough for us." For some reason this word has been very prevalent in my prayers today.

Today is a bit of a loaded day. My brother turns 22 years old. I am finishing up preparations for my work evaluation after 2 rather exhausting years of being an RN. We found out this morning at the doctor's office that this is another non-baby month. And, finally, we have an appointment with the oncologist to discuss results of more labs and Dan's most recent CT.
I am stressed and more ready to curl in a ball and watch Harry Potter all day than leave the house to go to another doctor appointment. Even Dan is tired of the day already!

However, in the spirit of "dayenu", I have to try to force myself to look at why our lives right now, as they are, would be blessings enough.

1. My brother was given 6 months to live at 12 years old. Thus, turning 22 is a BIG DEAL. Dayenu.

2. There were barely any jobs available when I graduated from nursing school. I have had a job in which I have gained much experience (good and bad) for 2 whole years. This job has provided us with excellent health insurance. I love the staff I work with--making bad days easier to manage. Dayenu.

3. We are able to afford fertility treatments and testing. The specialist is confident we can have kids. It is taking longer than we would like to get pregnant, but we have the ability to keep trying. Dayenu.

4. Dan has survived over 5 years since his terminal cancer diagnosis. He is able to walk and work and enjoy life. He was able to get married and make plans and be a walking testimony. Dayenu.

5. We are saved by the blood of the Lamb, washed clean of our sins and trusting in Jesus for our assured salvation. Dayenu.

I am struggling to proclaim my "dayenu" truths more than I cry out my fears. My gut-feeling and pessimistic nature are telling me we won't like the news we get this afternoon. My husband and his optimistic nature are telling me that we have no idea which way the news will go--and it could be good!

Regardless of what we think or feel, the reality is that God knows and is holding us firmly through the good and the bad. I think that calls for another "Dayenu!"