Mighty

I spent the last hour reading a friend's blog about going to Rwanda and then following her link to the blog of a family who just adopted their second daughter from Taiwan. As I read both blogs, a jumble of emotions welled up within me.

Sadness: millions of children around the world need parents to love them, genocide has left a deep and seemingly impenetrable scar in the heart of Africa (among other countries), tragedy exists everywhere.
Jealousy: I long to open my home and heart to little ones in need of a family, but Dan's medical history disqualifies us from nearly all types of adoption.
Joy: God worked through the Biola girls in Rwanda to love His children; another child has a home.
Frustration: Why isn't God doing more for His children? Why allow genocide? Why allow cancer?
Hope: God is working in the lives of those who are hurting--from orphans to nursing students to Dan.
Excitement: What is God doing in my life to make me better suited to His purposes?
Fear: What is God doing in my life to make me better suited to His purposes?
Peace: No matter what goes on in my life (or around the world), God is in control. I may struggle against so many circumstances and beg for them to change, but there is peace in knowing that God already knows what is happening and what will happen. What's more, He knows why everything happens.

Reading those blogs also reminded me that I have a blog to update, though this won't be much of an update. Today has simply been another day of pressing onward. Dan hasn't vomited in 2 whole days, but is still frustrated with some GI stuff. His drains seem to have decreased a bit today, but they are still 4 times as high as before the surgeon pulled them out a bit. It is so discouraging to see those drains fill up each day, as it pushes Dan's eventual eating further and further away. Additionally, the drains have begun to let out a new odor from being in so long. Pain has been more of an issue the last couple of days, but Dan just pushes through. We even took a trip to Target today--it seemed short to me, but completely wiped Dan out.

My parents and grandpa made a trip to Lodi to deliver some goodies left over from Christmas and just to visit. We loved seeing them and having more friendly faces around. Yet, my heart hurts when we all sit down to dinner and Dan can't eat. He read at the table while we ate, but it must be miserable to watch everyone do something that he has been longing to do for almost a month now.

I find myself getting more and more frustrated lately. It seems like this will never end: the drains will drain forever, the wound will stay open for a long time, Dan will be on TPN indefinitely, Dan will have to stay in Lodi forever, etc. I know these things aren't true, but it sure does feel like it. What's more, the nervous questions are plaguing my mind more and more: the doctor said pulling on the drains would help--why has it made it worse? Is there something wrong with the placement? Did the drains pull open another hole? Why isn't Dan healing? Will Dan need extra surgery to fix the leak? Will Dan miss my graduation? Will we live apart until then? The questions go on and on without answers. Hopefully, most of them are of the paranoid nurse/wife type.

We so very badly need progress right now. We need to know that Dan is moving toward healing. We need to know that things are getting better soon.
We are discouraged, to say the least.

Yet, God is mighty on His throne. He knows all the answers, and He knows why Dan is going through all of this. Somehow, all of this is molding us to be more like Christ, so to shine His light more clearly. God is mighty whether or not things go our way or not. Yet, He also calls on us to cry out to Him in our times of need.

Lord God, hear our prayers for healing tonight. Draw us close to You. Touch Dan's body with Your power and mercy. Give us rest, oh God. We are weary and scared.

Prayer Requests:
* Drain stoppage (sudden and immediate and exciting and miraculous)
* Wound healing
* Endurance
* Incredible progress in the next few days
* Wisdom for scheduling matters
* Good news and encouragement
* The ability for Dan to be in La Mirada very soon (confidence for the surgeon)