So, we made it to Halloween with very little pomp. No pumpkins this year, no kids trick-or-treating at our door. We just have so much going on that we figured a day of homework and a scary movie with friends would be great. We ended up watching The Ring with the Wyatts...I hate scary movies. Especially the ones with scary little kids. Eek.
Anywho, on our way home, I peeked my head in the open door of our next door neighbors. I had heard them yell, "Surprise!" earlier and wanted to see what was up. I should have known better because within seconds I was pulled inside to pile up a plate of Indian food. Our neighbors (Abraham and Sangeetha) are from India, have an incredible testimony and are the most gracious and hospitable people I have ever known. Dan and I must look starving...they always want to feed us!
After putting together a plate of food (I was told it's Northern Indian cuisine this time), Sangeetha and her friend put tons more food in baggies for lunch tomorrow. My goodness, my fridge has been overtaken by food with names I cannot even pronounce!
Once the food was gathered, one of the party guests asked Dan about teaching in America and standards and such. In the midst of this conversation, Abraham began to snore. He didn't just doze off, he fell dead asleep! We laughed with his wife and friends as they took pictures of his untimely nap. Finally, we were able to sneak out of the apartment...but not before a piece of cake was put in our hands, too!
Now, we are home. A full day of work behind us and an extra hour of sleep ahead of us. I will leave you with my favorite conversation of the day:
Ash: Happy Reformation Day!
Dan: Happy day of the first wall write!
Ash: What?
Dan: Martin Luther, he posted something on the wall.
(For those of you who get this, bravo. Oh, Facebook.)
Loving each other while standing on the Rock!
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Teaching and Oncology
Almost a month since our last post. Shoot, that must mean something is eating our time. What could it be? Oh, wait, I know. School!
Dan is headlong into the credentialing program. Writing papers, hours of observation at Anaheim High, pages and pages of reading. He works so incredibly hard (yet always finds time for football). Thankfully, he'll have his credential in 8 short-long months. (The UCI anteater, left)
I am already into my second preceptorship. After spending 8 weeks on a telemetry floor, I am positively thrilled to be working on an oncology floor at a Magnet hospital (St Joseph's Hospital Orange, below). My preceptor is young and talented and patient. On my first day with her, she threw an IV kit to me and said, "Do it." And I did it :) My patients are incredible and tough, though several have brought me close to tears.
I sought out to keep Dan's cancer a secret from my preceptor and my patients. Unfortunately, that plan has already failed. One patient (my favorite, thus far) needed a neupogen (white blood cell growth inducer) shot and just shook his head at me as I walked in with the needle.
"How many of these could you have possibly given?"
"Quite a few."
"Impossible, this is your first day on the floor."
"Honestly, I gave my husband neupogen shots for nearly 5 months."
"Oh, ok. Here's my arm." Then, he started to cry and pour out his heart as I gave him the injection. It was the only way I could convince him to let me give him his meds!
This same patient has since told every charge nurse that they need to hire me when I graduate. Somehow, all of these nurses know that I want to work at Stanford...I didn't tell them!
It has been encouraging to have people tell me that I am good at what I long to do. My confidence is continually something that I need to work on, so this is helping.
I love oncology...as a nurse.
On that note, I hate oncology...as a patient's wife.
Dan has an appointment at Stanford next week. His first CT in 4 months. I am trying to remember God's faithfulness in Dan's recovery. Yet, being on an onc floor just reminds me of how far he has come and how easily he could be one of those patients. God willing, Dan never ends up on an onc floor again. We'll update everyone next week. (Stanford Cancer Center, below)
Time to get to work. Homework never sleeps.
Dan is headlong into the credentialing program. Writing papers, hours of observation at Anaheim High, pages and pages of reading. He works so incredibly hard (yet always finds time for football). Thankfully, he'll have his credential in 8 short-long months. (The UCI anteater, left)I am already into my second preceptorship. After spending 8 weeks on a telemetry floor, I am positively thrilled to be working on an oncology floor at a Magnet hospital (St Joseph's Hospital Orange, below). My preceptor is young and talented and patient. On my first day with her, she threw an IV kit to me and said, "Do it." And I did it :) My patients are incredible and tough, though several have brought me close to tears.
I sought out to keep Dan's cancer a secret from my preceptor and my patients. Unfortunately, that plan has already failed. One patient (my favorite, thus far) needed a neupogen (white blood cell growth inducer) shot and just shook his head at me as I walked in with the needle.
"How many of these could you have possibly given?"
"Quite a few."
"Impossible, this is your first day on the floor."
"Honestly, I gave my husband neupogen shots for nearly 5 months."
"Oh, ok. Here's my arm." Then, he started to cry and pour out his heart as I gave him the injection. It was the only way I could convince him to let me give him his meds!
This same patient has since told every charge nurse that they need to hire me when I graduate. Somehow, all of these nurses know that I want to work at Stanford...I didn't tell them!
It has been encouraging to have people tell me that I am good at what I long to do. My confidence is continually something that I need to work on, so this is helping.
I love oncology...as a nurse.
On that note, I hate oncology...as a patient's wife.
Dan has an appointment at Stanford next week. His first CT in 4 months. I am trying to remember God's faithfulness in Dan's recovery. Yet, being on an onc floor just reminds me of how far he has come and how easily he could be one of those patients. God willing, Dan never ends up on an onc floor again. We'll update everyone next week. (Stanford Cancer Center, below)
Time to get to work. Homework never sleeps.
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Forgetting
Most of the time, forgetting things is problematic.
Forgetting keys? You're stuck where you are.
Forgetting assignments? You're not passing that class.
Forgetting meds? You're gonna get written up.
Forgetting anniversaries? You're gonna be buying flowers for a while.
This week, though, I found out that somethings are nice to forget.
First of all, during the summer, one of my patients at work pulled away from me and fell. The doctor gave her a clean bill of health. No fractures or anything. Though, she was older so she had bruising and pain. I tried to slow her fall and guide her down. I sat her on the trash can because then I could guide her to the ground. As a pessimist, I think about all the bad things that could have happened that maybe I just don't remember.
Though this was over a month ago, I still get nervous just thinking about her. Did she hit her head on the railing on the wall, but I can't remember? Did I leave something out of the report? Is she going to sue? Could I lose my job or my savings? Does her doctor-son want to pinpoint new symptoms that we didn't see? The list goes on.
Everyone at the hospital tells me to stop being so hard on myself. This lady was no picnic. She threatened many of the RNs and aides that she would make up a story about them and have them fired. She was impulsive and weak--a bad mix.
The House Supervisor (Charge RN over the whole hospital) told me not to lose any sleep over the fall--this lady was not known for making things easy.
The charge RN assured me that the patient would be monitored and that I prevented more damage.
My boss told me not to worry about it because falls happen and we learn from them.
My husband wants me to remember all the good things I've done rather than the one mistake I've made in the past year at my job.
So, I've been trying to forget. I learned a lot from the situation, but I need to get passed it. I want to get passed it. I don't want to be afraid all the time about something I can't change. The good news is, I went a whole couple days without thinking about the patient. It felt good.
(Please join me in praying that no residual problems are left over for the patient. And pray that I can get passed this as a learning situation).
The second thing that was forgotten was not forgotten by me, but by my teacher. During devotional time in class, she asked for prayer requests. One had to do with a man from church with Stage 3-4 pancreatic CA. As the teacher began to express her sympathy for the man's family "because pancreatic cancer has the worst prognosis rates and that only miracles can keep people alive, etc" I instinctively looked up to see the pitiful face she usually gives me when talking about cancer. To my surprise, for the first time in this program, my teacher did not mention my husband. She forgot my husband had cancer. I love it when people forget that Dan has cancer.
Someday, I'd like to forget that Dan had cancer. Someday.
Another thing I'm glad gets forgotten are my sins. I don't forget them, but God does. When I repent and ask for forgiveness, He removes them from me. Since He is omniscient, it's hard for me to imagine that God can completely forget my sins. Yet, I know that because of Christ, God sees the cross instead of my sins when He thinks about me. Hallelujah.
Here's to forgetting things. Sometimes, it's good for your health.
Forgetting keys? You're stuck where you are.
Forgetting assignments? You're not passing that class.
Forgetting meds? You're gonna get written up.
Forgetting anniversaries? You're gonna be buying flowers for a while.
This week, though, I found out that somethings are nice to forget.
First of all, during the summer, one of my patients at work pulled away from me and fell. The doctor gave her a clean bill of health. No fractures or anything. Though, she was older so she had bruising and pain. I tried to slow her fall and guide her down. I sat her on the trash can because then I could guide her to the ground. As a pessimist, I think about all the bad things that could have happened that maybe I just don't remember.
Though this was over a month ago, I still get nervous just thinking about her. Did she hit her head on the railing on the wall, but I can't remember? Did I leave something out of the report? Is she going to sue? Could I lose my job or my savings? Does her doctor-son want to pinpoint new symptoms that we didn't see? The list goes on.
Everyone at the hospital tells me to stop being so hard on myself. This lady was no picnic. She threatened many of the RNs and aides that she would make up a story about them and have them fired. She was impulsive and weak--a bad mix.
The House Supervisor (Charge RN over the whole hospital) told me not to lose any sleep over the fall--this lady was not known for making things easy.
The charge RN assured me that the patient would be monitored and that I prevented more damage.
My boss told me not to worry about it because falls happen and we learn from them.
My husband wants me to remember all the good things I've done rather than the one mistake I've made in the past year at my job.
So, I've been trying to forget. I learned a lot from the situation, but I need to get passed it. I want to get passed it. I don't want to be afraid all the time about something I can't change. The good news is, I went a whole couple days without thinking about the patient. It felt good.
(Please join me in praying that no residual problems are left over for the patient. And pray that I can get passed this as a learning situation).
The second thing that was forgotten was not forgotten by me, but by my teacher. During devotional time in class, she asked for prayer requests. One had to do with a man from church with Stage 3-4 pancreatic CA. As the teacher began to express her sympathy for the man's family "because pancreatic cancer has the worst prognosis rates and that only miracles can keep people alive, etc" I instinctively looked up to see the pitiful face she usually gives me when talking about cancer. To my surprise, for the first time in this program, my teacher did not mention my husband. She forgot my husband had cancer. I love it when people forget that Dan has cancer.
Someday, I'd like to forget that Dan had cancer. Someday.
Another thing I'm glad gets forgotten are my sins. I don't forget them, but God does. When I repent and ask for forgiveness, He removes them from me. Since He is omniscient, it's hard for me to imagine that God can completely forget my sins. Yet, I know that because of Christ, God sees the cross instead of my sins when He thinks about me. Hallelujah.
Here's to forgetting things. Sometimes, it's good for your health.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Stand Up
I remember the first time I saw Patrick Swayze dance. I was perhaps a bit too young to be watching Dirty Dancing, but I didn't understand the plot yet...just the music and the dancing. Swayze was the debonair camp dance instructor who danced his way into to the heart of a rich girl and proved that money isn't everything. How often have I watched that movie over the years? I cannot count. My mom, my girl friends, my grandma...we all fell in love with the incredibly suave and graceful Patrick Swayze. Now, I can say I remember the day he danced out of this world.
As most know by now, Swayze was diagnosed with a particularly vicious form of pancreatic cancer in early 2008. Due to the spotlight of his fame, the nation watched as his weight waxed and waned, as he tried new treatments, as he fought for hope. His battle was actually far longer than most have the chance to fight against pancreatic cancer. Yet, my heart is heavy to see a figure of hope and perseverance lost. My prayers go to his wife and family.
This post is not actually about Patrick Swayze alone. This is about the unacceptable reality that cancer plays in this world. Swayze was joined by 1499 other Americans who lost their lives to this common enemy. As thousands of fans mourn the loss of their favorite dancer, millions are mourning the loss of their husbands, their wives, their mothers, their fathers, their sisters, their brothers and their friends. My heart is even heavier for them.
I do not have cancer, but cancer is a part of my life.
Half of my grandmother's siblings have succumbed to cancer in the past 10 years. My grandma is a survivor, and one of her brothers is, too. Cancer unfortunately runs in the family.
Over two years ago, Dan was diagnosed with an equally unfriendly form of pancreatic cancer--stage 4, inoperable. The summer of his diagnosis is the closest to hell I can imagine for now (see my mother-in-law's blog from 2 years ago). Though his treatment plan started out rocky to say the least, God blessed us immeasurably with his doctor at Stanford Medical Center (he even received chemo a few rooms away from Swayze!).
Now, Dan has beaten many of the odds the doctors placed against him. He still has spots here and there; spots which could be cancer or could be scar tissue. Every CT scan report is a hold-your-breath-pray-for-a-miracle moment. Dan is confident, though I still fear for the day those spots decide to grow. For now, though, we live a happy and normal life with hardly any reminder of the cancer except for his cane.In the next year, I hope to become an oncology nurse. Nothing has been clearer than the fact that I am called to work with those who have heard those dreaded words. Whether working with those sweet bald children with crying parents or grandparents who have no reason to believe they can pull through. God has been gracious in replenishing our hope for the future. I need to use that hope to help others find hope, also. I hate cancer. I love people with cancer.
Though I have work tonight and homework to do, I have found myself watching the Stand Up to Cancer broadcast from last September. Never before had that many people joined together to attack cancer. Never before had so many celebrities risen up to support cancer research. If you have never watched the broadcast, I urge you to do so. It is full of music, celebrities, and facts. The facts will scare you. I hope they do, at least. Facts save lives.
I am crying now. Crying out of sympathy for those who are losing the battle. Crying out of fear for my husband. Crying out of frustration for the lack of a cure. Crying out of hope.
You don't have to cry with me, but please stand with me.
Learn what you can. Take preventative measures. Walk a Relay for Life lap in honor of someone you know. Remember those who have lost the fight. Pray for those who are still fighting.
Stand up to cancer.
Monday, August 31, 2009
Level 3 and Quarter 1
So, the summer is over. No more sleeping in until whenever we want. No more working without worrying about homework. No more trips up north. No more starting movies at 11p because there's nothing else to do. Essentially, goodbye Boredom. Hello, nursing school.
The only thing not gone from summer is this heat-107 degrees on Saturday. Gross.
Nursing got off and running last week. We've already got a paper and a test under our belts in less than a week! Preceptorships will begin soon, so I'm praying for a nice and patient preceptor. My request for two oncology preceptorships didn't work out, but I'm on a telemetry floor (cardiac). It won't be boring!
Dan is still waiting for a placement for student teaching and observation. We're praying that it's at a local high school close to La Mirada, since he'll be there every day next semester. His first quarter begins on September 14th...and he'll be off and running, too!
Between 3rd year nursing school and accelerated student teaching, we may not see each other much in the near future. That will just make our time together all the sweeter. It sure will be hard to get used to, though!
On a different note, Dan's grandma Mignon passed away last Wednesday at the age of 87. Her doctor said she only had about a year left to live...23 years ago. Amazingly, she died August 26th, 26 years to the day after her husband died. She will be greatly missed :(
Well, this cannot be a long blog because...I have homework. Ugh.
The only thing not gone from summer is this heat-107 degrees on Saturday. Gross.
Nursing got off and running last week. We've already got a paper and a test under our belts in less than a week! Preceptorships will begin soon, so I'm praying for a nice and patient preceptor. My request for two oncology preceptorships didn't work out, but I'm on a telemetry floor (cardiac). It won't be boring!
Dan is still waiting for a placement for student teaching and observation. We're praying that it's at a local high school close to La Mirada, since he'll be there every day next semester. His first quarter begins on September 14th...and he'll be off and running, too!
Between 3rd year nursing school and accelerated student teaching, we may not see each other much in the near future. That will just make our time together all the sweeter. It sure will be hard to get used to, though!
On a different note, Dan's grandma Mignon passed away last Wednesday at the age of 87. Her doctor said she only had about a year left to live...23 years ago. Amazingly, she died August 26th, 26 years to the day after her husband died. She will be greatly missed :(
Well, this cannot be a long blog because...I have homework. Ugh.
Thursday, August 13, 2009
8-9-09
This is a little late, but we've been busy...
Dan and I have been married for a whole year! Looking back to before we were married, I had a hard time believing God would allow us to get married at all, let alone celebrate anniversaries. This year has been full of trials and obstacles, but with the love we have for each other and God's grace, we have made it through.
To celebrate, we spent in a night in a Hawaiian hotel in San Diego and went to the San Diego Zoo. It was a wonderful time of relaxation and laughter and love.
Thank you to everyone who has encouraged us, prayed for us, supported us and loved us through this year.
I pray there will be many more years to celebrate the unity of Dan and I in Christ.
Dan and I have been married for a whole year! Looking back to before we were married, I had a hard time believing God would allow us to get married at all, let alone celebrate anniversaries. This year has been full of trials and obstacles, but with the love we have for each other and God's grace, we have made it through.
To celebrate, we spent in a night in a Hawaiian hotel in San Diego and went to the San Diego Zoo. It was a wonderful time of relaxation and laughter and love.
Thank you to everyone who has encouraged us, prayed for us, supported us and loved us through this year.
I pray there will be many more years to celebrate the unity of Dan and I in Christ.
Human Life
Abortion is legal for any reason you like, if you go to the right places.
Politicians are beginning to wonder how much health care and elderly or terminally ill person deserves.
Birds choking on plastic bottles is more of a problem than people dying of dehydration without the water in those plastic bottles.
Somewhere in our nation's history, the value of a human life has fallen by the wayside.
Only God gets to decide how and when we should die.
Perhaps, if more people paid attention to what God thinks and has shown us through His word, a human life would be more than a number, more than a price tag, and more than an inconvenience.
Politicians are beginning to wonder how much health care and elderly or terminally ill person deserves.
Birds choking on plastic bottles is more of a problem than people dying of dehydration without the water in those plastic bottles.
Somewhere in our nation's history, the value of a human life has fallen by the wayside.
Only God gets to decide how and when we should die.
Perhaps, if more people paid attention to what God thinks and has shown us through His word, a human life would be more than a number, more than a price tag, and more than an inconvenience.
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