Be Still, My Soul

Be still, my soul: the Lord is on thy side.
Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain.
Leave to thy God to order and provide;
In every change, He faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul: thy best, thy heavenly Friend
Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

Be still, my soul: thy God doth undertake
To guide the future, as He has the past.
Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake;
All now mysterious shall be bright at last.
Be still, my soul: the waves and winds still know

Be still, my soul: the hour is hastening on
When we shall be forever with the Lord.
When disappointment, grief and fear are gone,
Sorrow forgot, love’s purest joys restored.
Be still, my soul: when change and tears are past
All safe and blessèd we shall meet at last.


Abraham likes to be sung to...sometimes. Most times, he just likes to wiggle and squirm and kick his legs and drool. Sometimes, though, he calms down when I sing to him. Aside from the stupid songs that I change the lyrics to as we play, this is the song that I sing the most. It seems easier to make my soul be still when a little human is cuddled close to my chest. His sweet, trusting breaths remind me that I too am being held close to Christ.

That being said, there is a lot going on nowadays that makes my mind race and my heart stumble.


Good things:
We are nearly settled into our new house. Abe is sleeping through the night occasionally (yay!). The cats have made their domain in the garage, though still like to cuddle. Dan is teaching and coaching football. I am busy being a housewife, though I am no June Cleever!

We are being spoiled being so close to family. My mother-in-law mopped my house and my father-in-law changed my flat tire! 'Thank you' will never be enough.

Dan's insurance has kicked in, and we are starting the process of getting hooked into Kaiser. I am realizing that we were insanely blessed to have insurance through my work, as we paid very little for our medical care and surgeries and testing. Our medical bills will be significantly higher now, but at least we have coverage!


Not so good things:
Dan is still suffering from complications from his spleen surgery in July. I thought the pain and lethargy right after was bad, but Dan is still having trouble. About a month after the surgery, his belly starting swelling. The doc said it was normal for a little bit. The swelling continued and then got worse. The last time I posted, Dan was getting his belly drained (paracentesis) for the first time. He felt a lot better...then his belly starting swelling again. A couple weeks ago, Dan woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me he was in a lot of pain and his belly was too big. So, his dad took him to the ER where he was fast tracked (his dad is a doctor at the hospital in town) through to another paracentesis. Each time, they have drained off almost 5 liters, and he feels better for a day or two. Each time, he starts to swell again.

Truthfully speaking: it sucks.

Dan is tired a lot and busy, so when he gets home, he has little energy to enjoy family time. This makes both of us sad. The summer was just so crazy, he hasn't had much time to recover or rest. The best thing would just be for his health to cooperate!

Anyway, Dan's first appointment with his Kaiser primary has led to a new medication and appointments with two more doctors within the week--a gastroenterologist and a new oncologist. Due to Dan's extensive and complicated history, the primary MD stated that Dan would be allowed to continue follow-up with his main doctor at Stanford (yay!). Of course, there will be a lot of paperwork, but this was encouraging news!

The doctors' main concern is that Dan's spleen is HUGE and the inflammation is still producing way more fluid and swelling (ascites) than what was expected. Since Dan's liver is swiss cheese (Dan's description) and his GI organs have taken a beating, the Kaiser primary thought it best to enlist the help of an MD who specializes in GI organs. Also, Dan's new oncologist is the chief of Oncology in Sacramento. We're hoping for encouraging news and a way to make Dan feel better.

This man deserves a break. I really hate seeing him hurting and tired.


Prayer requests:
* A solution for Dan's ascites
* No new cancer...EVER
* Settling into our new roles
* Health for our little man
* Financial security with medical bills and such
* Peace for our souls and hearts to trust God

Lodi Life

I toyed with the idea of naming this post "Stuck in Lodi", but as I'm feeling a little better about living here...I don't feel stuck anymore. Yay!

Dan, Abe and I moved up to Lodi a few weeks ago with the help of our amazing family and friends. We are still living with Dan's very hospitable parents until our new house is "liveable". Technically, all of our belongings are in the house, though in such a state of disarray that it would make life with the little man more difficult than it needs to be. Thanks to help from my in-laws and my German sister Steffi, the baby's room is done and the kitchen is done. We have new couches (for the first time in our marriage) and I love the house more every time I am there. I'm looking forward to making it our home. Potential move-in date: this weekend. Yay again! Pictures to come later.

Dan is working hard at his new position as Bible and math teacher at Jim Elliot Christian High School. There are a lot of changes happening at the school, so it's been pretty hectic. Also, Dan is helping to coach the football team. He is stoked, but comes home pretty wiped most days.

I am working hard to set up our new home and keep baby man happy and healthy.

Abe is working hard at being adorable and growing fast. He can now roll over from tummy to back, though it takes some time. He LOVES to stand up (with our help), and he's got muscle-y legs that are ALWAYS KICKING. I cannot believe he will be 3 months old this week! We certainly love our little man, but we are tired! Someone still won't sleep through the night. We will be so very excited when this happens. Seriously.

In the health world, we could use some prayer. I hurt my back and popped out a rib again some time during the move and playing with Abe. It's getting better, but I'd like to be able to help out more with the move and be able to play more with the baby.

More seriously, Dan is having some complications from his spleen procedure back in July. At least, we think that is what is going on. He had an MRI today and will most likely be having a procedure tomorrow to relieve some on-going discomfort. We will share more details when we know for sure what is going on. For now, please pray that Dan's current condition will be remedied tomorrow and will not recur. Pray for energy and strength as Dan is planning to keep working before and after his procedure. He is very fatigued and has a lot on his plate. Pray also that I will be able to give him the support he needs.

Abraham's Birthday

Though it is "old news" by now...we had the baby! Abraham Theodore Howen was born on May 22nd at 11:45am, measuring 8 lbs 5 oz and 18.5 inches. The labor and delivery didn't go quite as we had hoped or planned, but the baby was born safe and healthy. Praise God!

What was supposed to be my routine 39 week doctor appointment on the 21st led to a test with results the doctor didn't like which led to more observation in L&D. My doctor estimated that I had been in early labor for about a week and was by that point having contractions every 2 minutes. As my very frequent, strong contractions were not progressing me much at all and the baby didn't seem to like them very much, the doctor on call didn't feel safe sending us home. So, at 2 am on the 22nd, we were admitted to L&D and had my water broken.

Once we knew that it was definitely "baby day", Dan called our parents who began the trek from Northern California. We settled into the hospital room, though the bags that we had had packed for a month were still sitting at home...oops. Dan grabbed something to eat and I convinced the doctor that I didn't need IV fluids and could drink some juice. I hadn't had anything to eat or drink for 12 hours! Well, that ended up to be a stupid idea...throwing up during contractions is just not pleasant!

After 12 hours of contractions every 2 mins that were getting progressively longer but not progressing me at all, we decided something had to change. The doctor had discussed pain medications to help relax the necessary muscles, but we really wanted to avoid them. However, I wasn't the only one feeling these contractions. The baby still looked good on the monitor but not as good as he had. I became worried that the doctor would start talking c-section and didn't want to have to get general anesthesia because I hadn't had an epidural already, as I was warned this was a possibility. As much as I was disappointed, Dan and I both felt I should see if the epidural would help out.

The anesthesiologist came in around 6 am for the epidural. I was really nervous about the whole needle in my spine concept, especially when the doctor was unhappily surprised by my scoliosis. My spine is apparently curved more than I thought--so much that the epidural numbed my left side but not my right! After being flipped from side to side a few times, it began to work appropriately. Unfortunately, my blood pressure dropped enough that the machines couldn't register a value and caused a bit of panic...right at shift change. Of course. Since I was still talking to them and conscious, the anesthesiologist just reassured the nurses and wished me luck and left.

Around the time the nurse felt I was stable enough for a visitor, Lisa came and dropped off our bags and visited for a little bit. My pain was better and Dan had eaten, so we were much more pleasant to be around than we would have been a few hours before!

The nurse checked me at 9 am and I was ready to push. Pushing when numb was completely frustrating as I couldn't feel the muscles to make them cooperate. The day nurse seemed to be getting mad about my inability to push like she wanted me to, but luckily, one of my clinical instructors from Biola was working that day and gave me a lot of encouragement. Dan was also an amazing coach, never leaving my side. My mom showed up about an hour before the baby was born and rounded out my wonderful team.My doctor was on duty that day, so she stopped in to check on progress. The baby was sunny-side up, but ended up flipping at some point. He then got stuck causing the doctor to do some unpleasant maneuvering, but we avoided the vacuum or forceps!

After almost 3 hours of pushing, our big little man was born. The doctor was surprised at his size and impressed that I had carried so much baby in my little frame. It was such an odd combination of emotions that hit me when they placed him on my chest: relief, joy, shock, amazement. Dan was ecstatic, smiling from ear to ear. Abraham was warmed up and cleaned up a bit while on my chest, then taken to get measured while the doctor attended to me. Apparently, I bled quite a bit and needed pitocin for the rest of the afternoon. After the chaos of the delivery calmed, Dan and I got to just sit in awe of our new son for an hour by ourselves. Such a sweet time of getting to know each other. Abraham was awake the whole time and very interested in nursing.

Eventually, Dan went with Abraham to the nursery for his first bath and meds. Our parents and siblings came to keep me company after "meeting" the baby through the nursery windows. Once the baby made it back to my room, lots of snuggling and crying and pictures ensued. It was all Dan and I could do to just stay awake. Our little room was full of joy and love...a perfect place for Abraham to start getting used to the world.

The baby and I stayed in the hospital a couple days so the doctors could monitor my blood loss and keep an eye on Abraham's jaundice. On May 24th, my due date, we took our little man home. My mom stayed for a week to help out, and Dan's parents came the following week.

Having our baby has certainly turned our world upside down, but in a good way. I have recovered well and Abraham is gaining weight and eating like a champ. Of course we are tired, but it such a happy tired. We are very much in love with our son and are so blessed to have him.

Thank you to everyone who prayed for this little one throughout my pregnancy and even before. He is truly a miracle that I never believed could happen. Thank you also for all of the support and the gifts that have been showered on us. There is no doubt in our minds that we are loved.

Please continue to pray for our new family of three. Pray for health and growth and safety for Abraham. Pray that Dan and I become the parents that God intended for us to be. Pray for energy, endurance and patience as we learn together.

Praise the LORD for all He has done for us and our little one.

May Abraham grow to be a man of faith and righteousness and a friend of God--like his namesake.

2 Weeks Notice

In response to the growing number of people asking questions, this mass-answer is easier than repeating the same thing over and over.

Question #1: Have you had the baby?
Since people are already asking...no, there is no baby yet. I still have 2 weeks until our due date, so give little man some time! Also, May 24th is only the "estimated due date"...only God knows for sure.

Question #2: How are you feeling?
I feel like I would like to have this baby. It's not as though I am suffering some crazy amount of pain or vomiting profusely, I'm just getting tired. All those "normal" pregnancy complaints are still around (back ache, heartburn, not sleeping, contractions, blah blah blah). However, as I was told by someone while voicing these complaints, I did want to get pregnant.

Question #3: Are you ready?
Sometimes, I'd say yes and sometimes, no. I am ready to have the delivery over with and to hold our baby in my arms rather than in my belly. I'm sure there are a lot of things that will come as surprises and  we can never quite prepare for. That being said, as nervous as I am, I would not be opposed to him coming today!

Question #4: Is there anything you need?
Prayer is always good. Prayer for smooth and safe delivery. Prayer for a healthy and strong baby. Prayer that Dan and I can patiently wait for God's timing of the birth. Prayer for a smooth adjustment period in the first few weeks after baby comes home.

Question #5: Do you know what you're having?
A boy.

Question #6: What is his name?
It's a surprise. We have to wait for the baby. You have to wait for the name. (Yes, he has a name, but only Dan and I know it. Not even the grandparents know.)

All questions aside, Dan and I are very excited to welcome our little one.

Dan continues to deny any nervousness whatsoever. He has been amazing in getting everything ready. He built all the nursery furniture (except the Diaper Genie--I did that!) and has been so very patient with a wife who gets larger and slower by the day. Seriously, he thinks the waddle is endearing. He is also the car seat pro and has had it installed for a couple weeks now. Now, if I can just find a baby for him to practice diapering...

I am always nervous, so why wouldn't I be nervous now? My brain is packed with all the "what if's" and that part does drive Dan crazy. Also, I have been off work for a few weeks now (the doctor put her foot down) and I am going stir crazy. I'm sleeping in while I can, catching up on movies, getting the house ready and studying for my Oncology Certified Nurse test. Thankfully, Lise came over to help get the nursery ready and keep me company for a bit. I'm currently thinking of who else to pester!

Alright, that's honestly all that's happening currently. The doctor is happy with my measurements, though impressed that so much baby has found room in my very short torso. I'll see the doc weekly until baby is born...hopefully, there won't be too many more appointments!

Thanks for the prayers and excitement.

Movin' and groovin'

That's what the baby is doing right now: movin' and groovin'. I am attempting to do the opposite. I'm tired!

I think I've meant to update this blog for a few months, but alas, you've all had to wait 3 months for news. Maybe that should point to how busy this household has been.

Work: 
Dan is still teaching away and helping middle schoolers figure out formulas and basic theology. His students love him, and he really likes his job.
I actually have a new job, which came along in timing only God could orchestrate. My doctor wasn't thrilled with me still working on the floor after a couple of incidents, but I couldn't imagine being on disability from January to May. Just before Christmas, my manager and the Clinical Nurse Educator on our unit recommended me for a position as an Oncology RN in the office of a couple of oncologists in our area. The practice is still connected to the hospital organization, so I didn't have to restart benefits or buy new uniforms. It is the type of job that I have been aiming for since nursing school, so it was huge opportunity and blessing. I interviewed in early January and started the second week of January...they moved fast. The position is Monday-Friday and (theoretically) 8-5pm...I am rarely home before 6:30pm.  I also don't have to work holidays or weekends! My new manager has been especially flexible with OB appts and such.
I am training with the other RN in the practice who helped get the practice running and keeps the practice running. She seriously handles such an enormous amount of work that I am bewildered to imagine myself doing it. There have been hiccups in training and I am being stretched a LOT. Going from being an experienced and trusted RN on the oncology unit to being very new and green and having to build trust all over again. I feel like this is where God wants me to be, but I am exhausted.  I am still learning, which is requiring eating a lot of humble pie. Outpatient is a different world from inpatient. It is crazy. As hard as it is, I do love my patients. They make the hours and tears worth it.
(Pray that I can learn well and fast and gain the trust of the other RN, the doctors and my patients. Also pray for endurance for me...I'm not too great at feeling new and lost again!)

Cancer:
Dan's last CT showed no evidence of new disease...but it did remind us that Dan's spleen is getting a little out of control. Because of some of Dan's treatments, his liver is congested and the blood flow is getting backed up to the spleen. His spleen, in turn, is munching up his blood cells. Dan's immune system is being sustained with twice-weekly injections and his platelets (the blood clotting army) are running on fumes. In the words of Dan's favorite doctor at Stanford: his "spleen is now bigger than his liver and is asking for a smack-down."
Said smack-down will be coming in the form a partial embolization of his spleen this summer. The goal is to shut part of the spleen's overeating and let Dan's blood counts bounce back up. There are risks: infection, lots of pain, the need for removal of the whole spleen, hemorrhage, etc. At this point, though, this is our best option.
Dan will be in the hospital at least overnight, on pain killers for a little while, and out of heavy lifting commission for a bit. Oh, did we mention this will be about a month after our family grows by one little person? Yes, we are crazy.
(Please pray for safety for Dan, wisdom for Dr. Sze and smooth sailing...oh, and that the procedure is successful!)

Baby:
We are now 30 weeks 6 days along, and the baby man is growing great. His anatomy scan in January looked good with no anomalies noted. I am measuring right on track, though everyone insists that I look small still. Trust me, I don't feel small. And yes, I know I will get bigger.
Since we've been praying for this pregnancy for a long time, I try not to complain...but this isn't always fun! Ha. I'm positive, though, that the heartburn and backaches and fainting will be well worth it in the long run.
Baby man has a name, but we are keeping it a surprise until his birth-day. Don't worry, it's a strong, traditional name.
We have had one baby shower so far, hosted by Auntie Lisa, Auntie Jessica and Grandma Jamie. We were blessed with essentials and goodies. Dan says that the baby will at least be warm, fed and well-clothed.
In 3 weeks, we'll head up to the northern regions for two more showers...we are well loved!
(Pray with us for safety in delivery, a healthy baby boy and a healthy mama.)

Miscellaneous:
We got a new car! Our Hondas were beginning to act up intermittently, and though safe enough for us to drive in, I wasn't thrilled about driving the baby around in them. So, we bought a 2010 Toyota Highlander a couple of weeks ago. It was the biggest check we've ever written, but it's a great car.

For  the next nine weeks, we'll just keep chugging along. Working, going to birthing classes, trying to keep up with friends and family, and getting our home and hearts ready for baby man. I'll try really hard to update more often...at least post one more blog before one with baby pictures!

Thanks for the support and love and prayers. Keep it up :)

Major Prayer Request

For my entire life, I have been a worry wort. Everyone who knows me well, knows this. What everyone does not know is that I am a bit more than a worrisome person. I have OCD and an anxiety disorder. Now, I don't mean I just get a bit nervous or like things  a certain way. I mean, my brain does not work normally. 

My counselor describes it this way: we all have a warning light in our brains that tell that something isn't right or is dangerous. My warning light doesn't stop going off. Accordingly, I live in a near constant state of high-alert and some level of fear. Sometimes, the fear escalates and turns into a full panic attack that leaves me unable to function or think beyond that which has me scared. 

These attacks were getting so prevalent last year that my counselor felt I had plateaued with therapy and needed medication. I was extremely resistant, so I kept trying. I then reached a point where my worst fear would become reality in my mind. 

(Example: I would give an injection very carefully and know that I had not poked myself. However, the thing I feared most was getting stuck and getting HIV. Therefore, I would become sure that that was exactly what had happened. Like, really sure.)

I was miserable, and though he denies it, I'm sure Dan was miserable, too. When I came home from work "knowing" that I had hit a pedestrian on my way home (though I really hadn't), I gave into my counselor's advice.

I was on meds for about 6 months and both of us noticed a huge difference. Sure, I still worried about things, but I could worry about reality instead of my brain's misconstrued fictions. I felt good.

Last May, I successfully weaned off the meds as they could interfere with conception. I still felt relatively under control, like my brain had been reset for the better.

Unfortunately, this improvement has vanished since becoming pregnant. The doctor says that the hormones negatively effect my OCD. I say my OCD has gotten out of control. Mainly, I worry about the baby. Everything I do, I worry about hurting the baby: slamming on the brakes, eating most foods (listeria hysteria), going to work, etc. I also worry about my old fears of needle sticks and contamination...a lot. I simply cannot convince myself that I am healthy and able to have this baby. My panic attacks are getting more frequent and I feel like I am losing my mind. My mind is once again replacing reality with my worst fears. 

I am grateful that I am pregnant, but I cannot be joyful or excited. I am always afraid that if I get too happy, something bad will happen. If I buy maternity clothes, I'll lose the baby. If I start to plan, I'll get listeria. Seriously, this is how my brain has been working. So, please forgive me if I haven't been readily jubilant or forthcoming with information about my pregnancy. My OCD brain won't allow it.

After discussing this with my OB for the last couple months, we have decided that the risk to the baby is greater with my panicking and lack of functioning than with the medication. Dan and I have done our research about the medication and I have been given approval by my OB and GP to start them up again. 

(Actually, I spoke to my GP on the phone today and tearfully explained my current situation. She was incredibly encouraging, telling me that I am not crazy and that my mental health is just as important to the baby as my physical health. She has already done extensive research on pregnancy-safe meds and was ready with answers for me. She told me to remember that babies are much stronger than we give them credit for, but that no one should be looking down on me for my fears. She's also allowing me to go in for regular blood work to help me know that I haven't gotten anything at work.)

All that to say, I am hoping for a couple months of sanity in which I can actually enjoy this pregnancy. 

I'll start the meds tomorrow morning at a nice low dose, and we're praying they work like last time. 

Obviously, this is not something I have been eager to share with the world. I am weary of labels and the stigma of mental health problems. Yet, this is part of me and is a real problem that people deal with all over the world. The first step toward helping people with mental disorders is people shedding light on them. This disease is not made up in my mind or me being weak in my faith. There is a chemical imbalance that stops me from thinking properly. 

I try to spend a lot of time in the Word and have Scriptures on my walls. I pray constantly and I know that God is stronger than anything I fear. But, just like Dan got chemo as we trusted God for healing, I am taking meds as I trust God for healing.

Please, please pray for us. It is not just me dealing with this. Dan puts me back together daily; he is the only one who can talk me down. He uses logic to try to invade my brain for the better. I long to be happy and joyous and excited. I want to be able to love Dan without fear. I need to be able to work without constant fear. I need lots of prayer.

Joy and Fear

I have been putting off writing this post since October. I'll explain why later.
However, I know it is long overdue. We have serious stuff going on in the Howen apartment.

First off...Dan's health:

Dan had a CT back in October that showed no evidence of new disease, as far as cancer is concerned. However, it did show that Dan's body is certainly unhappy with all of the abuse it has taken over the past 5 years. His liver has had several treatments, and thus has a ton of scar tissue. Because of these things, the blood flow in his liver is a bit sluggish (called portal hypertension). As the blood gets backed up, it is getting stuck in his spleen. The CT showed that his spleen is "markedly enlarged" and overactive. Typically, this could just be monitored, but Dan's immune system is taking a beating. You see, the spleen holds on to blood cells normally. When it gets overactive, the spleen munches on way too may blood cells. In Dan's case, it's harboring and chewing up platelets and white blood cells. This makes his immune system and blood clotting weak.

For now, the doctor is monitoring labs every week with Dan getting a shot of Neupogen twice a week to boost his white count. God has certainly protected Dan, as he is high risk for getting sick--especially working with all those munchkins! Though we pray expectantly that God will continue this providence, we are also looking at the next options.
1. Remove the spleen completely. Dan is against this idea because it is major surgery and he is already missing several organs.
2. Radiation to the spleen. This carries risks and isn't actually proven that effective.
3. Embolization to part of the spleen. This would leave Dan with some spleen function, but would help it chill out hopefully.

Dan and the docs are looking at option 3 as the goal, though we have no clue when. It would be done by Dan's interventional radiologist at Stanford, which makes me feel more confident--this doc knows Dan better than most people! The procedure will involve a couple days in the hospital plus a good deal of pain. There is also a chance that the embolized part of the spleen will become infected mush...which would lead us back to a mandatory option 1.

So, when will this happen? Not sure. If Dan's counts can hold up, we have time to wait. If they don't, well, our hands will be tied. Before or after May? We just don't know. For now, it's trusting God for more guidance and time.


Baby News:

We're having a baby!
I'm sure everyone knows this already through Facebook and excited grandparents-to-be.
We had been going through fertility treatments, which weren't working. We were exhausted and missed  just being normal with each other, rather than having our "special moments" dictated by medical professionals. So, we decided to take a short break, though I would continue to take Metformin to keep my body (hormones, cycles, etc.) manageable.

Well, that break resulted in a rather large surprise on September 21st. I was starting to work in the Infusion Center at the hospital giving chemo. The other chemo nurse saw me get a bit woozy one day and made me swear to take a pregnancy test before continuing to give chemo. I had the next day off, so when I woke up at 5am on accident, I figured I would get the disappointment over with. Still drowsy, I leaned against the wall in the hallway for the obligatory 2 minutes before reading the test. Well, I thought I had double vision when I saw 2 lines. After a second test with 2 lines, I woke up Dan. He swears he knew what was going on even before he saw the tests. Obviously, we didn't go back to sleep!

A blood test and an ultrasound the next week confirmed by Dollar Store tests.

I've always been a worrying person and we had worked so hard for this little baby, that I was afraid that if we told everyone too soon, something bad would happen. We didn't even tell our parents for a few weeks. Despite my irrational feeling that spilling the news would mean losing our baby, Dan convinced me to tell everyone on Thanksgiving. It's still overwhelming reading all of the love and encouragement we received that day!

The pregnancy hasn't been totally smooth and that joyful glow certainly hasn't fallen upon me. I started having bad abdominal pain around 8 weeks. Because of my history of PCOS, the fertility doc labeled me as high risk for miscarriage and placed me on light duty until after my 1st trimester. They have never found anything wrong with the baby or me, though they just released me to my regular OB a month ago. She believes it is just a combination of me being small and the baby stretching things out, though she is keeping a close eye on me. I've been back at regular work for a couple weeks with only a couple mishaps--all of which have left me sore but with a healthy, fidgeting munchkin.

We have our "big" 20 week ultrasound after the New Year's, in which we will learn if this is a boy munchkin or a girl munchkin. We're trusting God that our little one is forming well and will stay cozy until May :)

Pray that the baby is healthy and that Dan and I get to meet this little one in the Spring.

Pray that God prepares our hearts to be good parents and that we can raise this baby to know Him.

Pray that my fears will be replaced by peace.

Pray that Dan stays healthy and that is spleen will calm down without intervention.

Pray for guidance for us.

For those who made it to the end of this blog, please read the next post. I'm not sharing it on FB, but it is an issue that I need prayer for desperately. Thanks.